Fang has had a hard week. And month. And year.
But this last week was a bitch.
First, there was my pneumonia, which required him to step up to do all the parenting.
Second, he found a new dentist–one he really likes. However, after years of well-meaning dentists who used a Pickett’s Charge strategy in the battle to save his teeth, Dr. W leveled with him: it would be waste to throw any more reinforcements onto that slippery slope. She said that sooner, rather than later, he’ll need to get all his upper teeth pulled and replaced with dentures. We had been hoping to go the implant route, but at around $3,000 per tooth, and with Fang’s bones likely weakened by the same thing that ruined his teeth, it’s more than we can afford and the implants might eventually be rejected by his body.
Third, he learned that the mole he had removed and biopsied is cancerous.
Fourth, he’s having that “two ships passing in the night” communications problem with a new freelance client. He speaks web, and she speaks academic journal, and neither of them seems to know a single word in the other’s language.
Fifth, he did some volunteer work for Really Cool Activist Nonprofit, and they seemed enthusiastic about having him take some photos at Boise’s Pride event on Saturday, but then–even though they’re really good about contacting volunteers–they didn’t follow up with him to get him a photographer’s lanyard so that he move around more freely at the event. He didn’t want to be Persistent and Slightly Creepy Guy Who Seems To Have A Predilection for Photographing Underdressed Drag Queens. I’m thinking that in all the event planning, RCAN just forgot to contact Fang; Fang thinks he didn’t pass their political litmus test, and since he’s been a supporter of the national RCAN for years, he was pretty depressed.
Sixth, when he finally did feel the tiniest bit of contentment on Saturday and was messing around with my phone, texting a mutual friend of ours, I was snapped at him, and that took the bloom off the evening, even though it was super awesome roller derby night with family friends.
Seventh, his best friend for life had some really crappy stuff happen, and Fang’s absorbing some of that sadness.
Eighth, he took out an ad in Craigslist for other beginning guitarists to play with, and he didn’t get any responses.
Ninth, he’s far from family and friends, and he’s feeling that distance especially acutely right now. He works from home, so it’s not as if he’s running into a bunch of potential new friends.
Tenth, another doctor told him he needs to stop eating just about everything he likes.
I’m sure there’s stuff I’m leaving out.
But throughout it all, Fang has been an awesome father to Lucas. He listens. He translates the world for the boy. He’s teaching him to ride a bike. He’s encouraging him to be adventurous, to try new things. He’s taking him to movies, buying him comic books, and ensuring his fluency in the Marvel superhero canon. He applies sunblock liberally.
This from a man who spent the first 14 months of his life in an old-school Catholic orphanage, who was abused physically and emotionally as a child and teen, who had to endure an adolescence in working-class Tucson, who dropped out of college after a semester, who became addicted in his teens, 20s, and the first half of his 30s to just about everything. On paper, this is not the profile of an ideal candidate for Father of The Decade.
And yet he is. Despite all the inner demons he wrestles with day in and day out, he’s an amazing dad. Lucas has no idea, really, that Fang is depressed and frustrated. Quite the opposite–Lucas calls him “silly.”
So while Fang may feel as if he’s fallen into yet another unlucky streak of gloom and doom, I’m feeling exceptionally fortunate to have found such an awesome dad for our son.
Thanks, Sweetie. It’ll get better.
Psssst. . . I’d really appreciate some yaying and cheerleading for Fang in the comments, as I know he checks The Clutter Museum regularly. The guy could use some cheering up.
I’ve actually received a couple of responses to the Craigslist ad, but they both came in during pneumonia week and I forgot to mention them. Oops, or get back to them…
Happy belated Father’s Day!
I hope next week is a lot better, and I’m glad they caught the cancerous mole. DH’s cousin’s wife (age 30 something) got some sort of dentures (she also had an unfortunate childhood and adolescence) and is SO happy. DH’s cousin says she feels good about smiling in public now.
I had to stop eating everything I liked when I was diagnosed with something when trying to get pregnant. I found new things to like within my new constraints. Look at it as a chance to find and explore new foods to like and it will be a lot easier to handle. Get cookbooks that help. (For me, the new Laurel’s kitchen book was super helpful.)
Okay, you have to admit the Weiner/Farve texts were great. Pete, we make a good team. Text me from your phone next time. 😉
Oh, wow. That’s just way too much for anyone to have to deal with in a week!
((((((((((((Fang))))))))))))
Hugs AND cheers for you. Glad that week is over and best wishes on future journeys!
ps: BIG ups on staying such a fantastic father despite the chaos. You rock.
So sorry to hear that Mr. B is subpar. We really miss y’all and I wish we could get together to listen to him vent, etc. My mom has major teeth problems too; except for the $$$$$ I have given her for it, the results are worth it. Speaking as a mutant pale from LB, I have had a few cancerous spots on my face. I even had to use an Rx that slowly burned off my face. But it was all cured – today’s deems are good. The rest of the issues are transitory and may change or go away.
Derms
Yay for being a great dad! I hope the other stuff turns around to some betterness. Go Fang!!
Wow, for all those challenges and the dog was not even mentioned- is that true?
Hoping to cruise into Boise in mid July; I’m traveling with my acoustic, and while I took lessons 30 yeas ago, I’m still a beginner. Would love to make noise.
I’m so sorry to hear about all the crappy things happening. Fang doesn’t deserve that and neither does his sweet little family. Believe me, we are familiar with having a long run of bad luck.
Here is a story for you…This morning we were at water aerobics, which we try to go to in order to get exercise because Ian can no longer run, walk (for more than a block or so), or bike. At the end of class Ian asked me to help him stretch while he was standing in the water, so I jumped back in the pool. One of the class regulars looked over at us and said “Ian you are so lucky to have a partner who is so supportive.” This is an older woman who lives alone. I’m not sure what the moral is here, except that I keep being surprised to realize that we appear lucky to some people.
I’m thinking positive thoughts in your general direction Fang.
Oh my goodness, I don’t think I’ve ever commented here before, but this hellish month has definitely drawn me out. My partner had a start in life that has some similarities with Fang’s and seeing what an amazing parent she is despite/because of that just astonishes me. It sounds like he’s managed amazingly over even greater odds this past month. Truly impressive, but I do hope life gets much, much, much easier!
holy crap. That is a bad week. Commiserations, cake, whatever is required.
Also a very happy father’s day to a fabulous dad.
Here’s a big “Yay” for Pete. And a “bong” too, if that helps. And I’ll pass on a good word to the tooth fairy!
I found this on one of my favorite blogs today. It’ll either give you a dental care fundraising idea or a giggle. I figure you could use both.
http://mamacandtheboys.com/2011/06/24/beyond-unique-original-fashion-must-have/
Awww, poor Fang. That is definitely way too much crap to have to deal with all at once.
Many kudos to him for the fantastic parenting! I had one of those fathers who was completely awesome & a wonderful parent despite a lifetime of hardships… his example taught me so much about perseverance & how to be a good person. Lucas is a lucky boy.